Introduction
Tantrums may start around 18 months, are common around two years old and become much less common at four. Very young children are often not able to express themselves as well as they want and their frustrations come out as a tantrum. Tantrums are especially likely to happen if a child is hungry, tired or uncomfortable. Tantrums also happen in busy, public places, which can be highly embarrassing and add to the parents' stress. If you are worried about your child's behaviour discuss your concerns with your health visitor or GP.
Dealing with temper tantrums
- Keep calm. Getting angry and shouting at you child will make things worse
- Your child might be tired or hungry so rest or food might help. Or they might just need some attention or comfort
- Try to find a distraction. Finding something else interesting to do or look at can help. If you're in a busy or noisy place try to go somewhere quieter
- If none of the above works, try to see things from your child's point of view and understand what they actually want. Try offering them a choice, as this gives your child a sense of control and can be more effective than just simply saying 'no'. Always try to offer a positive way out
- If you do say 'no' don't be tempted to give in later to calm them down. If you give in your child will learn that tantrums work!
- If you're at home you can try ignoring the tantrum, perhaps walking into another room if it's safe to do so. Encourage your child to cool down on their own and talk more calmly about what they want
- After the tantrum, praise your child for settling down. Even though they may no longer be angry they may still be upset, so give them a cuddle and make it clear that you still love them no matter what
Avoiding temper tantrums
- Try to avoid your child becoming hungry or overtired
- Make sure your child is getting enough personal attention and affection
- Make sure your time together is quality time together especially if you work for most of the day
- Keep shopping trips and outings as short as possible
- Try to plan a regular method that you will use to deal with the tantrums when they do happen
Remember temper tantrums are normal and do not usually lead to serious problems. As your child gets older they will learn to deal more calmly with the stresses of everyday life.
In summary
- 1 in 5 two year-olds has a tantrum at least twice a day
- The 'terrible twos' are a normal part of your child's development. It could happen anywhere, but watch out for a tired or hungry child in a situation when he or she wants something that you have said 'no' to, especially when you are out shopping or during a social event or day out
- Getting angry is a natural reaction but it just makes the situation worse
- Be firm and consistent and find a positive way to deal with the problem, try to offer your child a choice. Be calm and understanding. Keep it simple and clear, praise your child afterwards if he or she calms down
- Plan to avoid the causes of tantrums, avoid long shopping trips or tiring days out
Remember, they wont last forever.
For further information and advice contact your health visitor or GP.
For more information (including how to find your nearest GP on NHS Direct) please visit our 'Other websites' section on this page.
Helpline telephone numbers
Parentline Plus: 0808 800 2222
National Council for One Parent Families: 0800 018 5026 and 020 7428 5400